The truth. Possibly the hardest post I’ve wrote 

The truth. Possibly the hardest post I’ve wrote 

Estranged family
Dear somebody,

There’s a quote I come across recently “People will forget about what you said, they will forget about what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel”.

That day all I thought about was walking into busy traffic. You hurt me more than I ever thought was capable.
The day began like any other to some we seemed like best friends, a relationship people envied since I was small. only we knew or maybe you didn’t notice? And only I knew there were years of tension. As usual, we left in a hurry from our activity I’m not sure why?

Stress levels were heightened. Crosswords were exchanged.

When your hand struck my body I was in shock. It had happened when I was younger but this time it was over petty shit. Your anger scared me, adrenaline was pumping through my body. Your words cut through me like a knife, I recall crying & shouting it wasn’t me or you but another innocent bystander.

We continued our journey, senses & emotions were heightened When the words left your mouth I was shocked, to say the least. You were by my side through the hardest experience of my life. I often wondered if people thought this about me about our situation. It’s not exactly unique but it’s rare and I bet nobody knows another like us.

Hearing it was my fault for events that played out during my pregnancy & premature birth. Hearing the words leave your mouth “it was my fault Olivia was how she was” Your words not mine. I think what you mean is how Olivia was born premature & suffered catastrophic brain damage? I admit I saw red. Focusing on you and only you. I’m not sorry for hitting you in retaliation, all respect was gone on both sides. I’m sorry for the other person in the car who was upset & also felt the wrath of your anger.

I wandered the streets that day contemplating, blood & scratches etched across myself. My own as you know I hit you in retaliation but I didn’t draw blood like you did.

I was told by somebody we both love / Loved to call the police as you deserved to be punished. I didn’t.

Because of your words, I feel guilt every time I look at my child. A few minutes is all it took to change me as a person.

I do not bare physical wounds but I am no longer ok, I am no longer managing. They say actions speak louder than words, but words have the power to destroy your soul. To break you down cell by cell.

Maybe this will make you think in the future about your tongue, I don’t think it will. The backlash from this I have received proves it.

I deserve to be heard and you will listen.

Nicole.

  • I’m sorry you were hurt. I hope writing this letter helps.

    I’ve heard about 13 Reasons Why. I haven’t seen it yet. I need to.

  • Divya Budhraja

    Very powerful piece of writing here. I imagine many women and men can connect with this piece. Unfortunately. It’s important that we continue talking about things like this as it gives people the forum to open up and be more comfortable sharing their own experiences and, eventually, coping with it.

  • Maro Akamatra

    Well I don’t really know what to say after reading this. The quote in the start of the post I guess says it all and it is one of my favorites from Maya Angelou. Take care and stay strong!

  • Deimarys Colon

    I love that quote. Maya Angelou is the best, however I haven’t watch the series. I know it’s on Netflix but It just hasn’t gotten my attention. Your piece is awesome

  • twinklingtina

    A wonderful piece of writing, I love Maya Angelou and her powerful words

  • Ayana

    Words can be the worst kind of weapon! I’m sorry you lost a friend and that they treated you so poorly. It hurts having nasty things said to you but it hurts so much worse when it comes from someone you love. This was a great read and an important lesson!

  • Briana Marie

    Very well-written and that quote is so true. You never forget how someone made you feel. Hopefully this letter helped you to release some of that hurt and anger.

  • Ola Broom

    I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve experienced and that you perhaps still carry. May you find freedom in forgiveness.

  • David Elliott

    This is very intense and very well written. It’s kind of scary thinking about the kind of physical violence that is being described hear. I am very saddened by it all.

  • Živilė Dap

    This was very strong and emotional post. very deep too. Hope you find strength

  • Anosa Malanga VA

    Such powerful words. Writing for me sometimes is much more intense compared to hearing those words being uttered by a person. Its as if the feelings hurt rather that what your heard.

  • This was so well written and I loved that you were able to share a part of yourself. Thank you for this.