Fear is a liar 

“I feared because it was too early, I cried because it was too soon. Yet I underestimated the strength in one so small.” 

World prematurity day ~ 17.11.16

The above was my Instagram post I published in support of world prematurity day, Even though it’s been almost 4 years since Olivia was born reminiscing is still upsetting & I think it always is. 

Dear all parents whose child has been born premature, I can not reassure you that all will be well as each and every journey is different. I can reassure you that this will not break you, it will make you stronger. Right now you do not need to be strong if you want to cry, cry and so you should.

You will never forget the sterile smell or the beeping of machines, you will never forget the nurses, Doctors, surgeons and even other Parents that you meet along the way. Nicu will stay forever in your memories.

You will leave hospital eventually and what you expected from parenthood will be completely different to the baby books you read. Mother and baby groups will not cater to your needs. You may even find motherhood has become isolating.

Your days may be filled with The early intervention team visits and if like us you have another child or children it’s difficult to find balance.

However soon you will make new memories that overshadow those old ones, new memories that are filled with laughter & feelings of heartwarming happiness. You will come to appreciate even the tiniest of victories. You will come to learn that you are not alone, there is a community waiting for you with support.

Some days sadness will creep in unexpectedly.

Try not to worry as I discovered this is normal it will pass. Never feel guilty, you have a right to mourn the life you no longer are living. It is a scary world filled with medical words you wish you didn’t understand. Some days you will find it’s you explaining to health professionals which are frustrating. 

In all honesty, parenting is pretty damn hard and sometimes it isn’t fun. There is no shame in admitting that. Some days it’s extremely mentally and physically challenging. 

You are strong, you can get through this.

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