Ending the pursuit of perfection for my daughter’s sake

Ending the pursuit of perfection for my daughter’s sake

Over the years I have tried many different ways to learn how to love ME, flaws & all. For the most part growing up, I always believed I needed to be thin to be happy, to be attractive & to be successful. I’ve abused diet pills, I survived off 1 banana & 1 bowl of soup every day for 2 months. I joined awful websites uploading photos of myself to be ripped apart so I could be pretty much be bullied into losing weight. I’ve skipped nights out & summer days with friends all because I didn’t want to be the Fat one of the group!

Recently I have been reading an abundance of self-help books, spoken to friends and watched numerous inspirational speakers. So I thought it was about time to have a voice and speak upon the subject that is Self Love.

 

Self love
Loving yourself and being confident and content with who you are is a long journey with many ups and downs. I’ve wasted far too much of my life picking at every little flaw I had, hating my body and wishing I were someone else. Over the last 3 months, however, I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom and I wanted to let you in on a new found perspective. We all have our down days, of course, even me. You can read about a hard time I was having here if you’d like here is just one blog post. But I think it is important to recognise how far you’ve come and to appreciate the effort you put in because loving yourself is one of the greatest things you could ever do.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

This is one of the best pieces of advice I can give to anyone. It’s a lot harder than it seems at first (especially with social media being a huge part of our lives), but once you’ve mastered it, it’s the best feeling. As girls & as humans, we often compare everything we are and everything we do to everyone else around us. From our accomplishments to our bodies, to our goals to our dreams, we f***ing compare everything. Please remember that every single person on this earth is different and we aren’t meant to be the same. Just because she looks good, doesn’t mean that you don’t look good either. Now Imagine if you took the energy you use to compare yourself and put that into loving yourself what the outcome could be? You can waste days, months & even years wanting to be someone else & comparing what you are to what she is but you will never be her & she will never be you. It is time to start realising YOUR potential.

If you don’t like what you see, try a different angle.

It’s become normal to believe our self-worth is determined by what we see in the mirror. What size jeans we wear, if our tummies are flat. Are our faces flawless? How can we hide those stretch marks? We as humans, as souls, are so much more than that. Try to see yourself as something deeper than what the mirror can show you.It doesn’t show you how happy you make others feel. It doesn’t show you how loving you are. It doesn’t show you any of the things that actually matter.

Focus on all the positives about yourself.

I think it’s fair to say we are all probably a little too hard on ourselves. If we didn’t lose 2 pounds this week, we didn’t get that job interview, you failed your driving test, then suddenly that makes us worthless and stupid. None of that is true. Now, in order to grow, we must work on our flaws and those little negatives we all have, but my philosophy is.. ‘If you constantly work on the positives, the negatives will decrease anyway’.Channel all your energy, thoughts and feelings into positives and you will become a happier person. It’s so much easier to be sad, to be angry and to feel deflated but a shift in our thinking is a shift in our entire lives. The minute a negative thought enters your mind, immediately think of a positive & as time goes on you will begin to think more positively. I tell myself this and as somebody who scrunitises everything I am still working on this little tip.

Make time to do things that make you happy & that make you feel good.

From the smallest things like painting your nails, to bigger things like travelling the world. MAKE IT HAPPEN. MAKE TIME FOR IT. Even if right now your not in the right place in your life, you will be one day. Life is too short, you have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow so do what makes you happy right now & live for today. Of course, make plans (we need goals).  If it makes you happy do it! We spend far too much time doing things we don’t enjoy which can make us feel terribly unhappy. Life is about enjoyment, fun & taking risks. DO IT.

Surround yourself with positive people.

This is something I found the hardest. When you’re attached to people, or in relationships with people you know aren’t good for you, it can be SO hard to let them go. Whoever it is! It’s important to recognise when someone isn’t good for you and when they don’t have the best intentions for you. See it, see them and put a stop to it. If someone is in your life who you don’t trust, who you know isn’t good for you, you know they are secretly wishing you to fail, please don’t feel guilty in letting them go. You don’t need to explain yourself and you don’t need a dramatic exit. Unfollow, delete, block and move on. Simple. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Who uplift you, inspire you and make you want to be a better person for you. Keep your circle tight but keep it filled with positivity, trust and most importantly love.

The most important relationship we have in our lives is the one we have with ourselves yet we’re not taught about it.
Self love
Self love

  • Candy Kage

    Only we can make changes. Surround yourself with those who can help and encourage but we are the one who decide what or how we will change. Wonderful reminder.

  • AMEN AMEN AMEN. My blog post yesterday was on a similar topic – it’s so important! Comparison KILLS happiness and just hurts our own mindsets. Great post!

    Coming Up Roses

  • Peabody Amelia

    great post and a needed read. Love look at yourself by a different angel. Women are so hard on themselves and what we view as “normal” or “perfect”. No comparisons just encouragement and support we are all in this together.

  • Great post! I feel a lot of women feel this way about themselves and I think society plays a great role in making women feel they are less. Look at all the advertising that tells women, you’ll be perfect if you use this brand of makeup or wear these clothes. It’s these messages that we receive that make us feel bad about ourselves.

  • Angela Noel

    Go you! I’ve seen way too many young girls (seven and eight year olds) already obsession about their weight and comparing themselves to others. Why do we do this? Only through realizations like the one you share can we change the way our daughters grow up. I have a son, but my little niece is already hearing “pretty girl” all the time. We think these kinds of things are compliments, but I don’t think they are. I think we hear “such a pretty girl” or “what a pretty face” and we think “pretty” or “skinny” is important because that’s what we’re being affirmed for–our looks. No one ever comments on my son’s looks. Unless he’s dirty…which, of course, he is sometimes. I’d love for all of us to raise a generation of girls who see their self-worth through the prism of their accomplishments not their reflections in a mirror or in society’s warped eye. Thanks for sharing your insight–it’s important!

  • There is nothing more perfect than being YOU!